“My Best Friend Lives Abroad!” – Friendships in the Distance

“I’ve always believed that friends are the family we choose. For me, life would be very difficult without being accompanied. Having unconditional people is a blessing. Even though you’re far away, I know I can count on you unconditionally. People tell me I romanticize friendship, but I do it because I’ve seen how valuable it is.”

– Laura Alpizar

Friendship is a unique and intriguing bond. One day, you meet someone without any blood ties or romantic intentions, and you decide that you want to love them and keep them in your life in that special way that only friendship can offer. This bond has connected Laura and I for almost 20 years, from their idealistic adolescence in San José, Costa Rica, to adulthood, despite living in different countries.  

Maintaining a long-distance friendship is not easy, and we know this well. In this interview, we reflect on friendship, distance, loneliness, and how to cultivate a relationship under these circumstances. We also explore how friendship can be an artistic theme. It is an intimate conversation about friendships in the distance, a letter of friendhood spanning from San José, Costa Rica, to Portland, Oregon.

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Manfred Parrales: The last time we were together was four years ago, and today we’re here to talk about friendship. I think the best way to start is by talking about who we are and where we come from.  

Laura Alpizar: Sure! I’m Laura, I’m 34 years old and I’m a Taurus, for anyone who’s interested. I’m a sociologist, but I work in digital marketing. In my free time, I like to make podcasts and write novels. And well, Manfred and I are best friends.  

Manfred: We’ve been friends since our teenage years, that’s almost 20 years of friendship. We’ve been through the good, the bad, the worst, and the best. But in the last four years, we haven’t been able to be together physically, you in Costa Rica and I in the United States. How do you feel our friendship has changed over this time?  

Laura: It’s been complicated, really strange. Many aspects of my life have changed, and you haven’t been there for those moments. For example, I became independent, and you’ve never seen my apartment. My little dogs passed away and you weren’t there. Birthdays that we couldn’t celebrate together, when before we would meet every week for coffee or to go out. Definitely, the dynamic has changed, but not the love. That’s still intact, even though it’s now at a distance.  

Manfred: I feel the same. Amazing things have happened that I would never have experienced in Costa Rica, both good and bad, and many times I’ve felt alone, without a close friend to hug me or give me advice in person. It’s been tough, a real exercise in what long-distance friendship means. How important is friendship to you, and how do you define it? 

Laura Alpizar: I’ve always believed that friends are the family we choose. For me, life would be very difficult without being accompanied. Having unconditional people is a blessing. Even though you’re far away, I know I can count on you unconditionally. People tell me I romanticize friendship, but I do it because I’ve seen how valuable it is. You’re an example of that chosen family. Knowing that you exist makes life much more bearable and enjoyable.  

Manfred Parrales: How has your view of friendship changed since we’ve been apart? It’s like now we have a long-distance friendship.  

Laura Alpizar: It’s been a time of reevaluation. I’ve thought a lot about the essential components of a lasting friendship. For example, is it the everyday moments that keep the bond, or is it the time spent together? Despite the distance, we’re still friends, and the love is still there. However, it’s true that friendships require maintenance, and we call each other every week to share our lives. I’ve learned to appreciate friendship in a different way, even if we don’t meet for coffee every week.  

Manfred Parrales: Sometimes we have very high expectations about what maintaining a long-distance friendship means, and the reality can be different. It happened to me when I moved; I thought it would be easy, but it’s actually complicated. There have been moments when something happened, very good or really bad, and I thought, “I wish Laura were here; she’s the only one who would understand this and laugh or cry with me.”  

Laura Alpizar: Yes, I understand. For me, birthdays are a clear example. We used to celebrate them together, we would organize dinners and share kind words. I miss those spontaneous conversations like when we’d meet for coffee and I’d tell you about my problems or joys of the moment.  

Manfred Parrales: I also felt that lack of moments of absolute loneliness, no friends, nobody that speaks my language or when I went through a broken heart and didn’t have a friend nearby. However, the strength of our friendship in the distance was felt because I could send you a message and I knew you’d listen, even if from afar.  During that time too. The memories come to mind often. I have a lot of memories of what happened in Costa Rica during those years. I think about our stories from when we were young. For example, when we were in the scouts, I always think about that time, the trips we made to international camps, and, for example, the crazy thing of going to El Salvador and staying after the camp to spend New Year’s with friends we made at the camp to celebrate the new year there.  

Laura Alpizar: Yes, I think it was with some scouts from El Salvador. Ending up spending New Year’s there is a memory I still have very vividly, and that happened over 15 years ago. I keep it very present.  

Manfred Parrales: Is there a memory from our friendship adventures that you always tell people about?  

Laura Alpizar: Well, the one from El Salvador, for sure. That’s a big one. I also think a lot about the time when we lived together. I used to say you were so annoying because you always wanted to make pancakes on Sundays haha. I also remember our roommate days, the trips to Acapulco. There are so many beautiful memories, we met at so many stages, even when we went to university and took a few courses together. We studied completely different things, but we shared moments. We even made a short film together. Do you remember what people thought? They thought we liked each other.

Manfred Parrales: Oh, yes! I thought, “Friend, come on…” I don’t think things would work out with a girl.  

Laura Alpizar: We made a short film together at that Mormon girl’s house. We’ve done so many things together, from going to the beach to camps and spending time with our families. We’ve been through the good, the bad, and the worst. I remember so well the times we went to eat rice with chicken at La Sopa Tapia in San José and then made coffee at La Sabana. For me, those were great moments.  

Manfred Parrales: Yes, those were incredible moments. The good times are easy to remember, but also the bad ones, and that’s what defines a friendship. For me, one of the moments when I reaffirmed our friendship was when my family went through really terrible situations, and you were there. I really appreciate that; sometimes actions speak louder than words.  

Laura Alpizar: Yes, I remember taking you to live at my house. It was a tough time, but that’s what it’s like to live with your best friend, right? Sometimes we idealize the experience, but it can be different in reality. It was difficult because you were going through grief, and I wanted to help you get through it all, but I learned that you can’t control people or speed up their healing process. The only thing I could do was be present.  

Manfred Parrales: That’s true. Depression and loneliness are part of life, and we often avoid talking about them. In Costa Rica, we’re reluctant to discuss topics like mental health. How has your mental health been these years?  

Laura Alpizar: I’ve always been an anxious person, but in my 30s, I’ve learned to cope with it better. I’ve tried to find peace with my anxiety. For me, it’s more about existential questions and the fear of death. How about you?  

Manfred Parrales: For me, it’s been more about facing depression. I thought moving to another country would solve my problems or make me happier than ever, but it’s not like that. Sometimes, problems or sadness get bigger when you leave your home country.  

Laura Alpizar: Totally. Moving to another country is like starting a new life, but emotional problems don’t disappear with the change of location.  

Manfred Parrales: People here ask me if I miss Costa Rica, and what I miss isn’t the country, but those four or five people I want to see until the last of my days.  

Laura Alpizar: Yes, I see it the same way. It’s not so much a nationalist thing, but the people I care about.  

Manfred Parrales: If you could give advice to someone whose best friend is moving abroad, what would it be?  

Laura Alpizar: I’d tell them to keep in touch, even if it’s just weekly calls. Don’t stop sharing little things, laughing together, and sharing sad moments. It’s important to keep being present in each other’s lives, even from a distance. And be honest.  

Manfred Parrales: Yes, I agree. Honesty is essential. Sometimes it’s better to say, “I miss you, and I’m feeling a little sad today,” rather than pretending everything’s okay. Distance is hard, but the relationship can continue to grow if you’re honest and keep in touch.  

Laura Alpizar: That’s right. Friendship is based on honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable or humiliating. I know you won’t judge me, and I wouldn’t judge you either.  

Manfred Parrales: One additional question I have is whether you believe friendship can be a theme for art in its entirety.  

Laura Alpizar: In the writing class that I’m taking, I told them that I’m writing my first novel. My professor, a Mexican writer who facilitates the workshop, shared something interesting.  

She said that everyone, especially in creative processes, tends to have macro-themes that run through them—those big themes that shape their lives and often show up in their works. These macro-themes could be love, justice, friendship, life, death, betrayal, and so on.  

I believe that friendship is one of those themes that has been written about a lot and has been represented in various forms of art. I think it’s totally worth exploring, because those who can say they have a true friend know that it’s a complete blessing.  

Manfred Parrales: Is there anything you haven’t told me over all these years that you’d like to share now?  

Laura Alpizar: No, I think I’ve always been honest with you. But I am thinking about returning because we know that coming back to Costa Rica after living abroad can be difficult if that’s the case.  

Manfred Parrales: I’ve always thought that the friends I made in Costa Rica are the ones I want to keep until the last of my days. I hope we can see each other and share moments in person soon. The love of friendship is an act of pure and selfless love, and with you, I’ve seen that. I always remember that night at the wedding in Guanacaste of our friend Claudia, when you cried because I was leaving the country. That showed me how much you care about me. It was such an emotional moment for me. The love of friendship is different from familial or romantic love because it’s a conscious decision to love someone without expecting anything in return.  

Laura Alpizar: Exactly. We decided to love each other as friends, and for me, that’s the most valuable thing.

It’s clear that distance doesn’t break a friendship. Instead, it brings new challenges and ways of nurturing the bond. Our friendship is a reminder that, even when miles apart, love, communication, and time shared in meaningful ways can keep any friendship alive and strong. From San Jose to Portland, to beyond, the commitment to maintaining a long-distance friendship is a testament to the importance of human connection.

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Laura Alpizar (She/her) is A Costa Rican sociologist working in digital marketing. Taurus, for anyone who’s interested. In her free time, she likes to make podcasts and write novels.

Manfred Parrales (His/Him)

Manfred Parrales is a dynamic young Latino artist whose work spans from designer and art historian, to social practice and community building. With a multifaceted educational background, extensive professional experience, and a profound passion for art history, video languages and community engagement, Parrales views art as a collaborative endeavor, transcending individual expression. 

His journey in the arts began with bachelor’s degrees in Art History and studies in Design and visual communication in Costa Rica, and currently pursuing a master’s degree in Art and Social Practice at Portland State University. His career has taken him across Latin America and the United States, where he’s gained invaluable experience in museums, education, technology, and various artistic disciplines.